I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
