I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
