i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize