he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
