I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
