your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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