i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
