I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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