i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
