It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
