so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize