sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
