best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just found puke in my bra..
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I supernannyed him into submission
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
