you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
