xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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