my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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