i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
