Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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