We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
