I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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