Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
FUCK WHALES
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