is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
