She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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