You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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