my mouth tastes like poor choices
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
