Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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