pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
