and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
