I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
