break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize