no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
