I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
