I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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