remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I am one with the molecules
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
