She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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