her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
