even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
