New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he was CRYING into my vagina
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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