his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
