I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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