no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
