If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
