yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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