Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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