and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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