I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
