dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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