oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
