im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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