Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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