i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
