So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
my liver is dry heaving
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
