I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize