i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
