I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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