You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
