hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
