i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
