After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
