I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize