someone owes me an orgasm
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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