Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
