do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
