i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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