lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
