Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
