I showed him my bush... on skype.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
