Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize