Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
