i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
