I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
