i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
