She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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