I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
