I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
