It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
