remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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