Kiss
Puke
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize