What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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