Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize