From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
