The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
