thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
