Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
