last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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