so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
