I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
