I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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