THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
That accounts for only three of the penises
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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